I am extremely excited to say that I got my passport. I am officially going on vacation! I have to save 50 bucks a week to pay my plane ticket off, and I have 80 dollars saved so far. I should have a 100 but I decided to go to the casino this week and it threw me off. I didn't loose, but I spent 16 bucks on food there and I really shouldn't have spent any money at all! That's okay though, because I helped out my dad and did his job last night so I made 45 bucks. All of that will be going towards my trip.
Omg though, I will never play slot machines again! I discovered a little game called craps, and I LOVE IT. Not only do you win very frequently, you win ATLEAST five bucks back each time. It's such a fun game and the dealers were really nice and trying to teach/help me. It is complicated at first but once you know how, damn I was winning big haha. I cannot wait to go again! SPeaking of the casino, I saw 21 last night. Awesome movie.
I have been kind of slacking in the healthy eating department. I've been keeping up with exercising, speaking of I'm about to do an intense ab workout. It's the first time. I am afraid of working out my abs, just because its hard work. Well no more!
oh yeah, ONE MORE WEEK OF SCHOOL LEFT. OH my! I cannot wait I have been counting down the days for about 2 weeks now.
wow. yesterday was NOT a good day at all.
i hate how money changes my mood, like in a reall awful sort of way. I have had honestly pennies and nickels to my name for the past month. I have wiped out my entire savings which ive never even touched just to try to make it through a week. if i didn't have that stupid medical emergency bullshit i would be okay. maybe if i didnt go negative 100+ dollars in my bank account a couple weeks ago, i would be okay. but nope shit happens, can't do anything about it now. finally I am all caught up with my bills/debts this month and this wednesday ill actually be able to have a little money for myself. and not have to worry about how am i gonna get to school today since im on empty.
i took a really really long walk yesterday, it made me feel a lot better. Mainly I was walking because I have no gas, and did not want to be at my house anymore. It was driving me crazy being there, making my breakdown yesterday even worse.
later on though, my emotional mentatity got slightly better but i felt extremely drainedddddd. i ended up getting one of the worst migraines ive had all year. i needed pain reliver so incredibly bad and noone had it. noone answered there phones. noone was around. and i couldnt afford a fucking sample package from the store. i thought my friend was going to have to drive me home, but i managed to get home and PASSED OUT. i woke up this morning still with a little headache, but nothing compared to last night.
i took a vacation from shaws the first week of august. my internship called and told me that i need to do training the first week of august. mon-mon 9-5
WHAT THE FUCK. i just want to fucking have a week off and do nothing. god damnitt. i had mad plans for that week too. this is so frustrating, if i dont get some time off im serisouly going to lose my mind more than i already have.
ive been doing well. my "diet" or whatever the hell im doing has been going good too.
i normally eat this for breakfast: egg white omelette with green and red peppers with onion, blue berries, and another type of fruit! its so quick and easy and it actually makes me feel more enrgerized in the mornings. which is definalty something i need since im up at 7 every morning.
i also went for a four mile walk today. i was BEAT. its so hot outside. but i made it through and not dead from dehydration. i cant wait to be able to afford the gym. i applied for a job there, they called me back but then i realized i won't have any time to work there since my internship starts soon.
I NEED SCHOOL TO END. my final is on thursday. god. yeah, then i start my second class on monday :(
four weeks. only four weeks left after this one. i cannot wait. i took a vacation from work the week i have off after classes ended. i am going to the spa, the beach, the casino, and going to new fairfield for a few days and hanging out with my people there. i miss them. i actually miss being in danbury. and i never ever thought id say that. EVER.
i have another exam tomorrow. i had one yesterday, and the final on thursday? wtf i didnt even bother studying for the one yesterday and got a 94. i feel dumb telling people my grades when they tell me how shitty they did. i try to make them feel better and say well, i already took the class. but then they tell me that they did too. haha =/
its probably because it just all makes sense to me right now. four years of taking health classes and fitness classes obvisiously you learn how the body works and the names of everything, and luckily that test i didnt study for was on bones and muscles and i know all of those damn things even if i didnt want to. my average in that class right now is an A.
crazy.
im bored. i dont want to go to this damn class! ahhh
my phone is HOPEFULLY getting turned back on on wednesday. my friend is giving me her old verizon phone since she has att now. thank god. i cant afford to pay 40 bucks a month for internet on my phone right now. maybe if it was a NICE windows phone itd be different. but its NOT i want the curve :( :( :(
i did well on day 2 of my diet! no cheats or anything just good healthy food. i was tempted ALOT. the friends i was with, i ended up going to wendys twice and taco bell. but i didnt get anything! damn that was tough ha.
i went out for sushi yesterday and it was dellllisshh. it recently opened about 2 minutes away from my house and they have call ahead/take out. im so excited. :)
i also bought something i cant really afford right now, but i felt like i needed to do something nice for myself, since i havent in months.
i bought a camera and i friggen love it. i havent had a good camera that worked well in forever. i look back and feel like i have barely any pictures from my last year of college, and i just dont want to miss out on not having a camera!
I am not happy about things. But you know what, fuck it I've put too much effort into this and getting no response. FUCK IT. I need to worry about myself, I need to stop fucking myself over just to get a tiny peice of fake happiness. OK.
I've been at my wits-end with life.I've been extremely broke (maybe 5 dollars to my name for the past 2 weeks) I had an extremely bad UTI with an ulcer on my urethra. I don't think anyone would understand how badly that hurts. Think of hmm, acid poured onto your eyes, where you piss. Yeah. I was miserable. I started school, which I hate since it takes up sooo much god damn time. Mon-thurs 4pm-10pm and its a 20 minute drive away from my house. I don't have gas in my car, and I pray every day that I'll get there and back on empty. Since, you know, if I broke down, I can't call anyone since my fucking phone has been shut off because I can't afford to pay the bill. Since IM SO BROKE. I've been working every day though, at the desk. I go in at 8 every morning and leave at 2:30. This is the first time I have ever had a set work schedule there since I started 5 years ago. I actually like it, I like the routine.
BUT I don't like how i work at 8am every day, and have to go to school every damn day. I am constantly exhausted. But I am really glad I am getting the amount of hours I am so I can start building a slight income here!
I called LA FITNESS and talked to the hiring manager for the new place opening in my town, and he wants to look at my resume. yyyaayyy I realize I don't really have time to work there, but I'll tell him I can only work weekends until school ends, and then just work hours during when I had school. It sukcs, I'll have no life, but you know what I don't already, and I really have noone holding me back. I am done. I need to worry about myself and get everything in my life in order damnitt!
I've also been having some appearance issues....my weight...I am definately the biggest I've ever been. I really hope to afford a gym membershit asap. Hopefully within the next two weeks. I am really determined about this.
GOALS:
pay my phone bill and fix my employee discount.
get a job at LA FITNESS
pay all of my bills on time, and ultimately begin saving money
begin to work out and eat healthier and change my appearance!
I think i can do this!!
POSITIVES
+ I did EXTREMELY WELL on my last two finals. I was seriously freaking out.
+ My teacher gave me all credit for all the assignments I missed just for being in class, didn't actually have to make them up! Ha. I had a B before I didn't hand in them, so now I probably have an A. :)
+ Ate a delicious omelet. I couldn't believe my school was making them. Shocker.
+ Got paid
+ Found my fucking facial cleanser. It disapeared but now it is back! helllooo clear skin.
+ Finally went to health services after being sick for over two weeks. I wait so long to convince I am not a hypochondriac. I just am always sick. Fucking immune disorder ! Got meds
NEGATIVES
- Woke up at 4am having an asthma attack. I really thought I was going to die last night. I was so scared and crying.
- Woke up at 7am to study for my test and was still not breathing well and was extremely tired.
- The doctor gave me FOUR PRESCRIPTIONS plus an over the counter. Is it really necessary for all of that? hmm...
- The doctor gave me prednisone. Which I am really hesistant about because hmm once upon time I had mono and was put on this incorrectly and never felt the same because it fucked me up so bad. She put me on it for only two days...I'm worried.
- $57 for prescriptions. I am not a money maker people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Day one of probably never seeing Jason again :(((((((((((((((((
- Holy back pain and I won't take any thing for it because I don't like how much medication I'm on.
- Holy I am having a fat day.
POSITIVES++++++++++++
+ Did a really good job on my presentation. Lasted 45 minutes, and I wasn't nervous at all!
+ That project is done and paper handed in.
+ Took a test in mental health and might have adult onset ADHD..which is a negative, but my teacher is looking for free testing for me! This has been a huge problem for me for years...
+ Sarah getting hit in the face with a pie.
+ It is 9pm and I have no smoked one cigarette ALL DAY. not even had the urge to!
+ Heathers house
+ wonton soup
+ SCHLICT GETTING DUNKED in the tank.hahahahahahhaha oh yes.
NEGATIVES ------------
- MY FUCKING SORE THROAT. GO AWAY. PLEASE. YOU MAKE ME WANNA CRY.
- Taking a 45 minute nap before class...that turned into a 2 1/2 hour nap making me miss class.
- Bill collectors calling my phone every 2 hours.
- phone charge does not work.
- ADHD? :(
POSITIVES
+ waking up and actually attempting to get to class
+ eating breakfast
+ going to my second class
+ calling my gram
+ delicious cupcake treats
+ watched a happy movie
NEGATIVES
- roads being closed, so not actually getting to class.
- ahhh the pain, leaving class early
- calling out of work
- delicious fattening cupcake treats
- pain ahhhhhhhhhh the pain
- bill collectors.
